Inaugural Idol Rundown
Most of the white girls are total junk. Especially that pasty Irish illegal immigrant. I might vote against John McCain if his plan gives her amnesty. And if the "Rock and Roll Nurse" were singing in my basement, I wouldn't get off the couch to go see her.
It is impossible to watch a 2-hour Idol without TiVo. Paula Abdul should go to prison for stealing time from millions of peoples' lives that they will never get back. In the time she wastes, the nation could be learning things like "how raising taxes on gas companies will make gas more expensive." For example.
The guys weren't much better, except for the dreadlocked Italian. The same week one Castro steps down, another steps up. He was pretty good.
Speaking of hair, this guy can dye it and style it any way he wants, but he can't hide the fact that it is fleeing his cranium. And I thought PBS had exclusive rights to Big Bird - how did Fox pull that off?
I really like Asia'h, but I'm getting a little tired of her whole "my dad died two days before my audition" schtick. Every time she mentions it, she justifies her going on to the audition by saying that he would have wanted her to keep singing. I'm not really comfortable with people channeling the wishes of dead people, so let me make this abundantly clear - in the event of my untimely death, I want everyone I know to stop whatever the hell it is they're doing for three straight days and mourn the hell out of my death. I don't want anyone to do a damn thing. Now that you've read this, you have legally entered a binding agreement. Sorry.
I have to admit, I am sooooo jealous of Danny Noriega. I bet he gets all the chicks.
By the way, what are the the chances American Idol would have two contestants named Castro and Noriega? Somewhere in America, there's some failed contestant named Pinochet who's pretty pissed right now. In order to restore the balance of the universe, perhaps we need to support a murderous South American dictator named Chikeze.
Early favorites: Hippy Brooke, Syesha, and this guy. That Australian man candy will be out in the third round - bet on it.