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My First Promise as Governor

Jim Doyle is touring the flooding in Western Wisconsin, and I have no doubt that Doyle is sincere about wanting to help the people underwater.

However, when I decided to run for Governor, my first promise to voters will be that I will never tour disaster sites. I mean, seriously - what is the purpose? It's not like Doyle is swimming out and saving puppies stuck on rooftops or anything.

I will save the taxpayers the tax-funded photo-op. I'll just have my advisors say to me the following:

"Okay, governor, shut your eyes and think of La Crosse. Now think about La Crosse with a lot of water in it. That's pretty much what it's like." Then I will declare an emergency, write a check, and be done with it. And the money I would have spent on some bogus fly-over will go to flooding victims.

In fact, the only photo op that I will take advantage of will be when Lindsay Lohan inevitably comes to Madison to film "The Audrey Seiler Story." Mark it down.

And I probably need to work a little on my campaign slogan: "Your ass is paying too much in taxes."