Will Scab for Money
Well it looks like the writers' strike is dragging on longer than expected. But the good news is that two of my favorites, Leno and Conan, are crossing the picket lines and coming back to film more shows. Since the late night funnymen won't have their union joke writers, you could use some scabs. I hereby offer the combined services of the gang here at the Trousers.
When I was six years old, I decided I had two goals in life - to make people laugh with the things I wrote (in crayon) and to do some union-busting. These two goals could be achieved in one fell swoop! But you don't care about my goals, you care about the bottom line. And God bless ya for that. So in the interest of you eventually paying me to write some ad revenue-generating monologues for you, here are some freebies:
"So it's the Christmas season - everyone got their shopping done? (Pause for audience response.) I'm buying everyone on my list DVDs of Al Gore's movie "An Inconvenient Truth," you know the film about how the earth is getting too hot. At least I will be as soon as I can find a store that isn't buried in snow and ice. (Pause for uproarious laughter.)
And speaking of frigid, I see the Hillary Clinton campaign brain trust is crafting a plan to warm up her image of being a cold, calculating, insencere, political schemer. Nothing like a calculating, insencere scheme to prove you aren't a calculating, insencere political schemer. (Pause for more audience laughter/pants wetting.)"
I could go on, but I'll need some financial incentive, see? Anyway, dig around in our Trousers and I'm sure you'll find plenty to make you laugh.
Have your people call my people.
- Dr. S