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Hey Derrick, Wanna Come Back? No Hard Feelings, Right?

I've had several hours to settle down since Eric GaHGHne* blew his FIFTH save this season, but I'm still steamin'. School isn't even out yet and the guy we're paying $10 MILLION A YEAR to throw one inning of shut-out ball once every three days is a disaster. Our man Derrick Turnbow is probably sitting at home right now organizing his sock drawer mumbling to himself, "I could be losing all those games for you guys at a third the price."

Anyway, Eric Gagne must pay for for his crime of attempted homicide of the Brewers' playoff hopes. In the spirit of the punishment fitting the crime, I submit that Eric Gagne:

a.) be mauled by a bear, but not fatally mauled.
b.) be trapped in an elevator for 41 hours.
c.) be forced to compose a handwritten letter of apology to one random Brewer fan for each save he blows. Enclosed in each letter will be a check for $1 million dollars. (At this rate, he's broke before the All-Star break.)
d.) give his healthy ACL to Yovani Gallardo. Gagne's removed ACL will be replaced with a discarded noodle found outside an Olive Garden.

Please vote or add your own idea. It'll make you feel better.

*("GaHGHne": copyrighted May 2008, Shuffhausen Industries)