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Airline Passengers Saved from Threat of Militant Slut

Osama bin Laden remains at large, but airlines have been vigilant in "cracking" down on the real threats to air travel.

By now, you may have heard of the sojurn of modern day civil rights activist Kyla Ebbert, who was asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight because of her revealing clothing. Ebbert immediately took her case to the highest court in the land, the Today Show, to seek justice.

(To see the video, click here.)

Study this video carefully - I have gone over it with all the detail of a "CSI" investigator. While the secrets of the Kennedy assassination can't be found in her teeny white skirt, there are some interesting details.

First of all, Matt Lauer makes her stand to show off her outfit. As she sits down, you can clearly see her white underwear under the skirt. Freeze the frame between the 1:33 and 1:34 mark - it's a little hazy (like the Zapruder film), but it's clearly there. If Oliver Stone doesn't make a movie about this, there is no justice.

So it boils down to this: In going on national TV to try to show people that her outfit isn't too revealing, this woman unknowlingly confirms that she is actually a slut. She cleared everything up, just in the wrong direction.

Furthermore, she claims that everyone on the plane was staring at her because she was lectured by the flight attendant. Interesting that she only became shy at that point, seeing as how she's perfectly fine with allowing passengers to get a little face time with her birth canal.

My favorite part is when Matt Lauer claims that "he doesn't see anything wrong from the waist up." Of course, anyone with sight can see that her only real problem starts at the neck area and works its way up.

Naturally, she'll probably sue, which means future Southwest customers will be picking up the legals bills to fight this hoochie. Makes you yearn for the old days when terrorists (and snakes) were all you had to worry about on your flight.