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Fabulous Investing

I was trying to find the name of a financial advisor in Madison, and ran into this guy, who seems to practice a unique brand of investing:

Jaime Zimmerman
Private Wealth Management
Vice President

"I work with a wide range of people from varied walks of life. For those in the community who are lesbian or gay, financial services and socially responsible investment advice are very crucial considerations. Many of my clients are gay or lesbian and I specialize in the financial challenges unique to the GLBT community."

Look, I'm all for this guy trying to carve out his own niche in the investment business. He's in downtown Madison, and it's just smart to try to cater to the LGBT population. He's probably an excellent financial advisor. And I would think there are differences in retirement and investment strategies for partners legally unable to be married.

But how, exactly, do you "gay up" your investment portfolio? Isn't money money? "Yeah, Jamie, I've been a little disappointed in the loads of money you've been making me by investing in all these straight companies. Can you shift everything to the Vanguard Fabulous Fund?" How much money can you really make by investing solely in Subaru Outbacks? What exactly is the gay/straight exchange rate?

If there are LGBT-related investment strategies that yield higher returns, I'll sink my money in tomorrow. Otherwise, so-called "socially responsible" investments are generally a sham. At some point, the status of all your investments is going to depend on how well "big oil" is doing. Time to get used to it.

Plus, gay couples already have a leg up on straight couples in money management. They usually adhere to the best advice any financial advisor can give people who want to keep their money: don't have kids.